come back from coma

hai, annyeong........i'm back right after i found some of my broken spirit. this last few weeks was quit hard that i had to endure pain and shock. yeah, it was about kris n his lawsuit against sme. exo fans received such a dangerous heart attack right before the boys first concert (well, i was crying knowing they had concert n i couldn't go, but, i'm willingly crying over that rather than this drama). i was literally paralized both mentally and physically. i remember clearly, that noon i did surfing n found this heartbreaking news and couldn't think of anything for minutes. never, even in my most wild dream, i ever imagined this kind of thing happened. i mean, oh please, my first group crush had already doomed with this kind of problem (ehem, DB5K, ehem) then why my second crush has to walk the same path??? just 2 years after their debut???? and the worst thing is, kris is my bias in exo. well, whoever exo member, i would be super sad if they wanted to out from the group since i love all of the members. but, hey, kris was my first member that got my attention and i couldn't take my eye from him.
seriously, i couldn't think and rest peacefully since the news out. i kept rewatching exo showtime. the very first show that left me in dazed due to our duizhang unique charm (read: stupidity). i kept crying after watched exo-k overdose (after the kris news out). overdose was such great and powerful song with superb choreography, but i moved my tears saw the members and thought that their galaxy was trying to has separate way with them. i smiled like crazy since for the same time i also cried.

 credit: to the owner

being kpop fans was not easy from the very first place. none of people around me has same taste with me in term of music. then, in this difficult moment i couldn't find someone whom share this sadness together. my friends just laughed at me every time i tried to tell them my feeling. they kept told me to wake up from dream n live in real life. like i wouldn't, i really, sincerely hoped that all of this kris thing was just a dream and woke with news about 12 members of exo having successful asia concert. hell yeah, i couldn't blame them since they didn't understand how it feels.

i watched the press conference in d-3 of their concert in seoul and strangely, i didn't find tao's (the news told so) statement about "11 members" angering me. i understood him. he adored duizhang more than other, hence if some sensitive problem like this matter happened, he would feel really bad-upsetting-nasty-heartache. he felt betrayed. from the first place, tao wasn't that mature to manage his emotion, even our leader suho seemed struggle to control this betraying feeling (remember his statement during his speech for their first mcd win?). i understood all. even, if it was really the members itself who unfollowed kris on his IG. human would pass the first step when they got bad news: disapproval. then they would move to next step which is anger. this anger time last quite long, until this anger cool down, they would try to bargain. i thought that most of the members are still in the state of anger. when they couldn't find any answer about the root of this problem.

  credit: to the owner

i personally had my own private matter beside this. my new teacher was such person who loves perfection and thought that all of her students have above average in term of knowledge. my packed schedule which is started on 05.00 and finished at 14.00 (if we don't have presentation) then if we get night shift, we have to move again to the next schedule at 16.00 till 05.00 then restarted again. at the night, when i have no night shift i recently remember the happy past moments of exo then started to cry. it's tiring. every time i listen to exo's song, tears were just flowing without command. it can't be helped since most of my most played playlist were exo's song. people might think that my response was overdo, but this was my real feeling. it was even thousand times more painful than when i broke up. strange but true.
actually some parts of my heart still believe that kris will be back. why? since sme's responds was still too vague to me. it seemed that they still wanted kris back (jebaaaaal). also, kris never showed up after this news (well, only the pict he posted on his IG). sme's statement about how they couldn't reach kris seemed true. i personally think that the staff also taken a back of this matter.
well, everything was so confusing. kris looked okay and fine (by this i mean he seemed happy and enjoy exo-m activities) in bts of overdose mv filming & iQiyi i love dapai interview. that was such short period of time of those interview with the news and only a week before the concert. what kind of problem that made him in such russh and seemly inconsiderate choice to file the lawsuit??? i really wanted to know. or, if kris felt bad for this whole time of exo activities, then i should say that he was such a great actor to not show it at all in front of the camera and the members. but i was so sure that all of his laughs and smile were ome from his sincere heart. 

credit: to the owner

credit: to the owner

i will wait. we need those 00 to become 100. i believe that we will see both again on same stage soon

credit: to the owner

found this from facebook. hopefully it won't come to that state. fighting!!!

i really hope the best for this matter. forever love u guys!!!! fighting, fighting, fighting!!!!!!
WE ARE ONE!!!!!!
XOXO